you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
