I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
