I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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