so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
