I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
