but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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