i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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