Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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