then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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