i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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