How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
