No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
