Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
