Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize