Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
