my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
