I wannas sexs uuuuu
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wish i was in the wii world.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
