If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
