I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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