remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
