I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
