I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize