seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
