My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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