lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
