We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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