If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
