Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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