Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
