Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
