No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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