he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
