I just cut my nipple shaving
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Randomize
