Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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