Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
