Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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