Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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