..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
