I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
