they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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