On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
