We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
