Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
