I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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