So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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