I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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