Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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