Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize