is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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