totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
