Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
