Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
