I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
