My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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