why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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