that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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