Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
