Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
