you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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