marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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