i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
