I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
