If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
