New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
