i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
