i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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