WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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