Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My life is pants optional.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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