You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
