Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
