This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize