I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
