she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize