I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have post one night stand depression
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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