Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
