Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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