i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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