I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
