There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
