just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
