woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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