i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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