I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
