I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
