this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
