the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize