WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
