blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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