Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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