I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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