I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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