my sisters under your porch take her home
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
