I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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