Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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