now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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