she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
