so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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