do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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