Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
