do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
