he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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