I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
