I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
