I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize