i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
