It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
